Desperation
by Dread Pirate Rinja
Summary: What should have been a simple side mission turns into a nightmare. Hiatus.
1. Desperation :: chapter 1

_Warnings (story as a whole): Second Raid and Season 1 spoilers, violence, mild swearing, and maybe a few not-so-savory events later on in the story.

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Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic and all characters and settings are the creative property of Shouji Gatou, Shiki Douji, Retsu Tateo, and are tortu—I mean, used without permission for no profit to this humble little authoress. X3 ADV currently has Season 1 of the anime and the primary manga series licensed in the US.

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_

**Desperation  
**_Full Metal Panic!  
(repost)_

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**Chapter 1**

_6:18 pm_.

The digital black letters plainly stated their business uncaringly, not trying console the chocolate eyes that stared intensely into them, willing them to stop, pause, or, even better, _move backward_. Nothing, however, would force those numbers to change against their will. An angered, frustrated sigh – which, to the other customers in the shop, really sounded more like a strangled, feminine growl – escaped the young woman's lips as she sipped on her Coca-Cola.

_That little—UGH! I can't believe him! _Forty-eight _minutes late, and no notice! No phone call, no e-mail or text message, _nothing_! When – if – he gets here, he's SO going to get a piece of my mind! I skipped out on a shopping trip to help him with his Japanese history studies, and he repays me by… standing me up!_

A soft, delicate hand reached up to brush stray silky blue strands from the fuming brown eyes. The gentle movement belied the much harsher tone that rambled incessantly in the seventeen-year-old's mind. The only hint of her rage on her exterior – besides the fire in her eyes – was a slight, brow-furrowing, nose-wrinkling frown, one that could easily be mistaken for an expression of concentration.

Chidori Kaname balled her fists as she imagined ways in which to punish her 'tardy' – rather, _absent_ – study partner, her fury quickly becoming more apparent on the outside.

_Sagara Sousuke, when I get my hands on you…!_

The fact that he'd saved her life, and not to mention her sanity, nearly a year ago didn't even cross her mind. Even the fact that they'd been through so much _since_ didn't speak through her anger. He was supposedly done with the long-term missions for a while, wasn't he? He'd been assigned to watch her by attending school with her like a normal person – well, as normal as he could be for a 'military nut' - and to help out only to pilot the Arbalest, right? He was only supposed to be gone for Thursday and Friday. It was _Sunday_.

The note he'd left her said, _"Leaving Wednesday night, gone for a few days, but will return in time for our study session on Sunday. Sousuke."_ Hah. Liar. Recalling the note only made her more furious.

"That's IT!" she roared, slamming her fist down hard on the table and nearly knocking over her half-drunk soda. Suddenly noting that others in the diner were regarding her with wary stares, she offered a nervously embarrassed chuckle as she waved off the onlookers, sinking back into her seat and burying her head in her palm, grumbling inwardly.

_Sousuke, you JERK! _She made a conscious effort to keep her thoughts internal this time, trying to keep a smile plastered on her face despite her raging frustration._ I can't believe you stood me up! _

Her expression softened a bit, the anger beginning to fade as she had doubts about the soldier's absence. _Maybe I shouldn't be so mad at him. He usually tries hard to avoid standing me up, since he knows how much I hate it after…well, after he left that time. I'm surprised he hasn't called me yet, though! He could at least –_

A sudden thought quenched the fire of her anger like cool water, stealing the fire from her furious features.

_I wonder if he _can't _call me! That time he wasn't allowed to contact me at all – maybe something's changed within Mithril, or something happened while he was gone. I wonder if he's alright…? He's missed two days of history like he said he would, but he didn't call me yesterday like he usually does, either. Where has he been?_

As if in response to her question, the bells of the diner's door jingled, adding to the background noise, as a young man entered cautiously. Kaname's fury returned as she recognized the intense brown eyes and unruly brown locks as that of Sagara Sousuke, her now _very_ tardy study partner and close friend. Well, more than that, really. _Very _close… No, even more than that, too; or at least that's how Kaname would have liked it. But even after all she'd gone through with the boy, she still was hesitant to admit it, and still hadn't told him directly how she truly felt.

"Sagara-kun!" she hissed dangerously as he approached, but just as she opened her mouth to give him a thorough tongue-lashing, she paused, and really _looked _at him. Anger bled from her expression.

_Gods, he looks absolutely wasted!_

Sousuke had bags under his normally alert hazel eyes – which, at the moment, seemed glassed over and weary – and was unusually sluggish moving towards her. Shoulders hunched, pinched, pained expression; these were so uncharacteristic of the usually jumpy, zealous, attentive undercover soldier. He looked painfully exhausted.

"Please forgive me, Chidori," Sousuke forced a slight grin as he softly uttered the apology, flinching lightly in expectation for a lashing from the girl – either verbal or physical. "I–I really have no excuse to be so –"

"Are you alright, Sagara-kun?" Kaname cut him off worriedly, noting that Sousuke was a bit unsteady on his feet. She also caught his hands shaking as he reached for a chair to pull it out, and the slight grimace that briefly passed his features in the process. He had an almost ghost-like pallor to his face, making the cross-shaped scar on his chin stand out even more than usual.

"Aa, I'm fine," he replied tersely through clenched teeth. Beads of sweat formed along his brow, revealing what was already an apparent lie. A hint of a pained hiss escaped his lips when he stepped around the front of the chair.

Panic bells sounding in her mind, Kaname stood quickly and ignored the stares as she rushed to Sousuke's side, hoping to steady him. "Sagara-kun?"

"No, no… I'm… I'm al…right…"

Sousuke's eyes rolled upward as he fell to the side, too quickly for Kaname to catch him. He crumpled to the ground with a loud thump, knocking into the table and upsetting Kaname's soda with a wet crash, drenching her blouse and his hair. Neither noticed. A shocked gasp buzzed through the restaurant as all heads turned to the sudden commotion. Kaname's eyes widened as she knelt next to Sousuke's fallen body, her hands shaking this time as she reached for him.

"Sagara-kun…?" She shook his shoulder gently, but when he didn't respond, she began to panic. _Ohgodohgodohgod! What's happening? What's wrong with him? Is he wounded? Is he sick?_ A small crowd had gathered around the pair now, a hushed murmuring spreading through the restaurant.

"Is he alright? What happened?"

"Excuse me, miss…?"

"Call an ambulance!"

Kaname placed a hand on his side to roll him onto his back when she felt a sticky wetness. Withdrawing her fingers, she noticed they were stained with crimson, and she stared at them numbly for a moment in shock before crying out in horror.

"_Sousuke!_"

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**_.end chapter 1._**

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Just for the record, this will be the only time I write this much down here. I thought it'd be nice to have some background information on the series because it's a lot bigger than I thought it was originally. Haha._

_First thing I want to mention is that there are MULTIPLE canons for Full Metal Panic. The original FMP was a novel serialization by Shouji Gatou, with a few illustrations by Shiki Douji. Then two manga series followed, with the same author but different artists for each. The 'primary' Full Metal Panic season is the more well-known one and is published in the US as "Full Metal Panic" (art by Retsu Tateo). The secondary season ('Ikinari Full Metal Panic') apparently is what Fumoffu is based off of._

_Then we have the 3 seasons of the anime. Season 1 is the 'main' one, with the original action and drama stuff. 'Fumoffu' is 'season 2' with all the slapstick humor and less-serious violence, a lot of it from 'Ikinari Full Metal Panic' (from what I understand). 'The Second Raid' is the recently-aired (and completed) season 3, and is even more actiony and dramatic than season 1. There is also an OVA for season 3, which is Tessa-centric and not very important to the overall plot.  
_

_I will be using the anime – namely, Second Raid and season 1 – as my canon bases, mostly because I have only read volumes one and two of the 'Full Metal Panic' manga. Just so you know. XD_

_This story is currently in revision, so everything you see here and up until chapter 8 (plus two ending chapters) is older, but edited. Some of the changes will be fairly big, but nothing too drastic. I just felt it needed a face lift, since I am never pleased with my writing. :P I'm also working to integrate Second Raid elements into the original, since TSR hadn't aired when the original was being written. Just FYI. _

_The ending will get me killed, likely. But I don't care. It's staying.  
_

_Anyway! Comments are love - especially constructive ones (meaning, if you see something wrong, let me know and maybe even give a suggestion on how to go about fixing it).  
_


	2. Desperation :: chapter 2

_Warnings (story as a whole): Second Raid and Season 1 spoilers, violence, mild swearing, and maybe a few not-so-savory events later on in the story._

_

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_

_Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic and all characters and settings are the creative property of Shouji Gatou, Shiki Douji, Retsu Tateo, and are tortu—I mean, used without permission for no profit to this humble little authoress. X3 ADV currently has Season 1 of the anime and the primary manga series licensed in the US._

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**Chapter 2**

_Three. There were three of them, all outfitted in simple grey jumpsuits and blast armor just like his. He thought he could make out faces, but only barely and only until his own vision blurred with exhaustion and pain. Gods, he was so tired and his side hurt horribly, but they wouldn't let him sleep. They made him stay in the AS, caused his head to hurt when the Lambda Drive kicked in and tried to invade his thoughts._

No, no… this is all wrong…_ but he couldn't hear his own voice. He didn't even know if he'd spoken aloud, but was almost too tired to care. _Just let me sleep…

_"Kill the others, and you can lay back down," he was told. "Kill them all."_

_Eyes widened in fright peered back at him from the screen, and he realized that they'd heard the transmission. Another voice fought furiously in the back of his mind, telling him that these were inexperienced fighters. No, not even soldiers – civilians? Struggling against the drugs in his system, the pain, and the voice in his head, he forcefully cleared the fog from his mind._

_"Kill them!" the voice whispered again in the back of his mind. "Show me what you can do – destroy these men!"_

_"No!" he wanted to scream, but no sound came from his lips. "I… I don't want to do this anymore! They – but I… But they're civilians!"_

_Hands reached out, grasping his arms in painfully grips, brutally forcing his hands towards the controls. "Eliminate them, or I will take what is most dear to you."_

_"N…No! I won't do it!" His throat burned, but he still couldn't hear his own voice. He panicked, trying to twist out of the vice-like hold of his unseen enemies. Gods, it hurt!_

_Fingers tightened around the trigger, and as much as his body shook in effort against the action, he couldn't—_

_A loud report and light recoil in his hands declared his defeat. Fire… screams, pain, vision bled black as he heard himself yelling angrily._

"No!" Sousuke shouted, and heard himself this time. The dream dispelled as soon as he opened his eyes, breathing heavily and realizing that he really _did _hurt. When he tried to sit up, a sharp pain stabbed in his side and made his stomach clench uncomfortably. Punctuated, rapid beeping forced him to try to focus on where he was. Once he picked up the pungent smell of antiseptic solution – which only made the nausea worse – the pieces fell into place.

_Infirmary, or the hospital,_ his instinct told him. _Hopefully where it's… nnnh…_

The steady throbbing in his side stole his train of thought, and he tried to clasp his injured side but stopped when he felt a stinging tug at his elbow. Confused, he glanced down to see the needle attaching him to an IV stand holding a bag of clear liquid next to his bed.

"_Shit_," he growled angrily, sitting up and trying to pull at the IV. A soft hand reached out to grab his before he could jerk the line out.

"Sousuke! It's alright – those are just painkillers," a familiar feminine voice said quietly from the shadows next to his bed.

"Ch-Chidori?" he rasped, still having trouble catching his breath.

"Yeah, it's me… You're alright now," she whispered soothingly as she tried to help him lay back down. "You should go back to sleep; the doctor said you really needed the rest since you've lost a lot of blood and exhausted your body."

Sousuke groaned as he settled back into the sheets, his wounds throbbing in vicious retribution for his movements. The blood rushing through his ears finally subsided after a moment, allowing him to think a little more clearly. Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he regarded his blue-haired friend warily. She looked worried, he noted. Worried and… something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Where is this?" he asked thickly, throat feeling raw and sore.

Kaname lifted a straw to his lips, offering him water from a plastic hospital cup to help him clear his throat. "We're onboard the _TDD-1_… though we haven't been here long – a few hours, at most."

_TDD-1…?_ His mind quickly sought a recollection – one that would help him lead to answers and conclusions he could work with. He had _so_ many questions, and he was sure Kaname had her own questions as well. She was quiet, a sign for him to speak. She wanted him to ask. So he did. "How long have I been… unconscious?"

"Almost twelve hours now," she replied with a weary sigh. "Do you have any clue how hard it is to contact your friends without your cell phone? Damn near impossible!"

He resisted the urge to smirk, reading all signs of Kaname giving him _the lecture _before she actually did. She was scared. She was frustrated. Understandably. So he let her speak; it would help her vent. Perhaps she would answer some of his questions in the meantime.

"The ambulance wanted your insurance cards, but you weren't carrying your wallet or any identification. You're so lucky you found me to give them a story for you! I'm pretty sure they still didn't believe me, but you were bleeding badly enough that they were concerned enough to let it slide. I had to go back to your apartment and sneak through all your damn booby traps in order to get one of your crazy gadgets that would let me contact your buddies! Good thing you told me about them ahead of time, or I would be in the bed beside you." She took a deep breath and sighed. "I finally got a hold of Kurz, who somehow arranged to have you transferred back here. Now here's the interesting part – if _Mithril_ was surprised to hear that you were alive, what the _hell_ were you doing to get in this mess?"

Sousuke blinked. "I—"

"I mean, they're supposed to have an immense amount of tracking technology," Kaname interrupted and continued, "and you up and disappear on them. I thought you were only supposed to pilot the Arbalest when they need you to, not take these life-threatening missions! Gods, Sousuke, you can be such an _idiot_ sometimes!"

Sousuke would've offered a sheepish laugh with an equally sheepish reply, but any chance he had to defend himself was lost when a curt knock rattled the door lightly, and then opened without waiting for a reply. A lab coat clad, clean-shaven, middle-aged Caucasian man entered the room with a confident stride, green eyes brightening as they fell upon a conscious Sousuke.

"Sergeant! Glad to see you awake," he greeted amiably. "Chidori-san here has been worried sick about you, but I'm sure she's already told you that herself." The doctor winked at Kaname, who smiled cheerily in return. Turning back to his patient, he said, "I'm Doctor Robinson, by the way. I've heard much about you, but since you're apparently as good as your reputation, I haven't had the honor of meeting you until now."

Sousuke couldn't hide an embarrassed flush, but managed to murmur a quiet thanks to the doctor. Robinson prattled about how impossible it was to work with local Tokyo hospitals as he expertly checked Sousuke's vitals and made a few notes on the charts. When he finally finished his narrative on bureaucracy, he pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and moved the ridiculous-looking hospital gown Sousuke wore to inspect the wound. A few moments of painful prods, presses, and close inspections, the doctor covered the injury with a fresh bandage and took a serious look at the soldier.

"How are you feeling?" he asked gravely.

Sousuke hesitated, and then replied, "Sore and tired. The drugs are throwing off my balance some and making me feel sick, but otherwise I'm functional."

Robinson had to chuckle at his last admission. "Functional, yes, but not cleared for action. We managed to clean out the injury and pack it to stop the bleeding and encourage proper healing, but I'd like to run you through a few tests to make sure it didn't do any damage other than the superficial flesh wound. It looks like it had been treated to an extent before. I was waiting until you awoke before we performed any tests; we were hoping you could tell us a little more about how you got it."

At this, the young soldier frowned, as if searching for a memory. "I… I'm not entirely sure. I was stabbed, but with an… unusual object. I couldn't identify it." Sousuke caught Kaname's flinch out of the corner of his vision, but continued anyway. "After that, I don't remember much. I'm pretty sure I had been drugged."

"Mhmm…" Robinson made a few quick notes on the chart. "What kind of symptoms did you have, if you recall?"

"I…" Sousuke's frown deepened. "I do not recall…"

Robinson stopped him with a wave of his hand. "Don't strain yourself, but if you do remember, we'd like to know so we can make sure it's not still in your system. Commander Kalinin has some other questions for you on the details of your disappearance, so I'll let him know you're awake once I'm done here."

Sousuke nodded, but didn't look pleased by the information. He seemed reluctant, Kaname noticed, in sharing information on his apparent capture. Something else was going on that Sousuke was hiding, and she fervently hoped that Kalinin would wrestle a few of those answers from the young soldier. If she were to be honest with herself, she _hated_ seeing Sousuke on edge like this; it most certainly put her at a state of ill ease when her bodyguard was injured _and _spooked, as he was now.

"I want you to get plenty of rest, Sergeant. We'll have to perform the tests tomorrow, since I don't want to exhaust you now. You are not to leave this infirmary without clearance from me, do you understand?" Robinson sternly ordered.

Sousuke offered the crispest salute he could manage in his condition. "Yes, sir!"

The action pleased Robinson enough that he grinned. "At ease, soldier. You should get some sleep too, Chidori-san. I don't want to make you join your boyfriend here on the extra bed!" he exclaimed with a wink.

"B-Boyfriend?" Kaname sputtered, blushing furiously to match Sousuke.

Robinson's uproarious laughter echoed even after he'd exited the room, leaving an awkward silence in his absence. Sousuke and Kaname refused to look at each other for a moment, cheeks still flaming. Of course, this only lasted until Kaname couldn't stifle a yawn.

"You should get some sleep, Kaname," Sousuke stated quietly.

Kaname snorted. "You first," she retorted with a grin. "I'll tell you what: if you sleep, I'll sleep. Sound fair?"

"Inescapably," Sousuke replied with a small half-grin of his own. As Kaname settled down to sleep, and as he felt his own eyelids drooping shut, he allowed his grin to grow into a full-fledged, contented smile. She hadn't denied Dr. Robinson's assumption.

* * *

Sousuke, despite the drugs, didn't sleep well that night. Though Kaname had slept through most of his restlessness, she did notice the dark circles under his eyes, and the downcast expression he wore as one of the nurses helped him move to a sitting position. Something was bugging the soldier even in his sleep, but he didn't seem willing to share it. Either that, or he was just exhausted from that morning's various tests. Kaname's brow furrowed lightly with worry; she had hoped that sleep would help Sousuke become more talkative, though now she saw that it had an opposite effect. 

"Kalinin was supposed to come in last night, but he told me to send his gravest apologies that he couldn't make it," Robinson was saying. "He had some sort of emergency meeting crop up at the last moment."

Sousuke nodded in acknowledgement, though his expression didn't change. He looked like he wanted to say something but was having trouble finding the words to express whatever he was hiding. Kaname shifted uncomfortably in her seat while one of Robinson's nurses checked Sousuke's vitals for what seemed like the millionth time to Kaname. He was alright, wasn't he?

"The MRI scan came clear, but the test results for your x-ray won't be back in for another hour, and the blood work won't be finished until tomorrow," Robinson explained. "For now, I suggest that you rest; your body needs time to recuperate from this whole ordeal."

"How long will I need to be here?" Sousuke asked.

"Oh, I'd say for another four days or so, depending on your test results," replied the doctor. "You won't be on active duty for another week after that. I want to make sure your injury is fully healed before clearing you for action."

The answer seemed to neither please nor displease the soldier; perhaps he had meant it as a simple question, or as a gauge to see just how badly he was injured. Kaname couldn't tell with his expressionless face staring down at the blankets covering him.

"Lunch should be served soon, so rest until then and hopefully we'll have some good news by then." Robinson turned to leave, but paused at the door. Over his shoulder, he added on his way out, "I wouldn't worry too much about the brief memory loss just yet, Sergeant. You'll have your answers soon enough."

Sousuke's grip on the hospital sheets tightened ever so slightly in response; _that_ answer did not please him at all. At that small movement, Kaname knew he was hiding something, and became determined to wrest it out of the young man before too long. She placed a hand gently over one of his clenched ones, grasping it and giving it a quick squeeze. Sousuke glanced up at her wearily, a troubled gleam in his hazel eyes.

"Sousuke…" she began quietly. "You know you can talk to me about… _it_ if you want to. I can tell something's bothering you, and I know all too well how keeping it clammed up inside will just make it more difficult to deal with later."

He looked away, but she could tell he was thinking of something to say. "Kaname, I… I don't know if telling you about it would help you. It is probably best that you don't get involved; I can't afford to endanger you as well."

Well, it wasn't the answer she was looking for, but it was a start. Scowling with arms crossed and nose in the air, she replied haughtily, "It might be best, but you already dragged me into this the moment you decided to show up at that study session anyway, even while you were injured. So whether you like it or not or whether it's best or not, I _am_ involved, and you're just going to have to _deal with it_."

Sousuke's gaze fixated on her again, eyes widened in surprise. For a moment, he said nothing, but then smiled wryly. "I can't argue with that," he agreed. "But that doesn't mean I have to think it's the best idea."

Kaname took the small victory for what it was, and allowed herself to display a pleased grin and stood to grab Sousuke a glass of water. However, she lost her balance when the ship rocked with a sudden impact, sending loose objects flying across the floor and sent her down along with them. Sousuke grunted as he jerked forward in his bed, nearly falling to the floor along with Kaname. Sirens blared, and red lights flashed, bathing the room in a crimson glow. A sudden bustle and sounds of nurses' voices exclaiming loudly trickled in from the hallway outside the door.

"What was that?" Kaname exclaimed over the alarm, pulling herself shakily back to her feet. She glanced sideways at Sousuke, who tried in vain to find a more comfortable bracing position; he was clearly in pain.

Another impact shuddered through the submarine's hull, displacing more of the ship's inhabitants. The PA system crackled to life as a stern male voice informed everyone that this was not a test, and that all capable needed to find their battle stations. Sousuke blanched this time.

"Sousuke? Are you okay?" Kaname asked uncertainly.

"Shit…" he grunted through clenched teeth. Kaname suddenly realized that he wasn't talking about his wound.

"Oh gods," she breathed. "Who _are _these people?"

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_**.end chapter 2.**_

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_Comments, as always, are greatly appreciated (and obsessed over).  
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	3. Desperation :: chapter 3

_Warnings: Please see the previous two chapters for full warnings. Rated PG-13 for a reason.  
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Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic and all characters and settings are the creative property of Shouji Gatou, Shiki Douji, Retsu Tateo, and are tortu—I mean, used without permission for no profit to this humble little authoress. X3 ADV currently has Season 1 of the anime and the primary manga series licensed in the US._

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**Chapter 3**

Sousuke grit his teeth as he pulled himself into a sitting position, and then swung his legs over the side of the bed to rest on the cold, vibrating floor of the battle-ready submarine. Another hit to the ship's hull shook the room, and he nearly toppled onto Kaname as she moved closer to try to force him back into the bed.

"Where the _hell_ do you think you're going?" she said angrily. "Whoever these people are – and you still haven't told me even that yet – you're not going to get far in your condition!"

"You don't understand, Kaname," Sousuke replied emphatically. "Mithril can't deal with these people head-on like this. They're here because they must have tracked me somehow, and I can't make Mithril pay for my mistake!"

"Whaaaaa?" Kaname frowned. "What makes you think that you're capable of outwitting these people on your own? And why can't Mithril face them head-on? They're specialists in this field, for crying out loud!"

Sousuke's expression darkened as he answered quietly, "Their technology is far superior, and I don't want them to find out about you… or about Tessa, either."

Understanding slowly spread across Kaname's features, though she still looked far from satisfied with the answer. When the ship rocked with another impact, she gripped the bed and caught Sousuke's eyes. Nodding slowly, she helped him get to his feet, and quickly found a jacket to go over the infirmary-issue, thin clothing he wore.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she said with warning in her tone, though a strange gleam in Sousuke's eyes told her that he didn't know.

"The nearest escape pods are this way," he explained in a quick effort to get off the subject, directing her down the proper corridor. With all the commotion on the battle-engaged submarine, nobody seemed to pay attention to the pair as they slunk to one of the waiting escape pods and sealed the door.

"The _TDD-1_ will be able to track this pod, but as long as they're in battle, we won't be noticed immediately."

Kaname nodded slightly, though the idea didn't settle too well with her. She had a feeling that this was going to be yet another long day.

* * *

"Sir, target is moving away from the submarine, heading northwest." 

"Heh, so he's trying to be noble, is he? Looks like he's figured it out already. Pull out, then. We will keep tabs on him from a distance."

"Move in to collect target?"

"Negative. We'll let him wander a bit, first. He can run, but he can't hide."

"Forgive my rudeness, sir, but hadn't he recently completed the first round of examinations? You know most of the test subjects are incapacitated for nearly a month after those take place…"

"Perhaps he's exceeded my initial assessment, Lieutenant. Not to worry – he is only proving his worth to me at this point. Keep me informed on his movements."

"Yes, sir."

"Send someone in to keep a closer eye on him, while you're at it. Just in case. I want to make sure he's not being trailed by someone else… and I am curious to see what he will do in this situation."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Fortunately, the weather was mild enough that night in Tokyo that it did not create an issue for the two youths who were traveling the quiet street with slow strides. To most, it would appear that the young man in the strange costume was drunk, and that the blue-haired girl supporting him was helping him back to his residence. Unfortunately for the pair, the situation was entirely different. 

Kaname chanced another worried glance down at Sousuke. She didn't like the pinched expression his pale face had acquired, nor did she like the fact that he was breathing heavily in the silence. Even through the jacket he now wore over the hospital garb, she could feel the heat radiating off his body in unhealthy waves, though she saw that the sheen of sweat on his skin was a sign that his fever hadn't escalated to fatal temperatures yet. The most telling gauge of the soldier's well-being, however, was how much he depended on her support. He had tried hard not to rely on her at first, but the further into the maze of narrow streets they traveled, the more she felt his weight upon her shoulders. If Sousuke didn't bring them to their destination soon, she planned to make him stop for the night.

"Sousuke, are you sure you don't need to stop and rest?" she finally asked.

"No," he gasped out. "We have to keep going."

She frowned at him, not appreciating his rebellion at that moment. She was tired too, after all! "You're being ridiculous. You're clearly in no condition to be traveling like this! We're taking a break."

With that, Kaname simply sat Sousuke down on a park bench – she had been eyeing the small community park from down the street, and had already decided that they were going to rest there for a little while. Kaname sat down next to Sousuke, who suddenly leaned against her shoulder, panting.

"I don't know about you, but I'd say that this wasn't such a great idea after all," she said with a sigh after a moment. "Your injury is far from being healed, and you know I rarely do well in First Aid class."

The soldier grunted against her shoulder in light amusement. "I'm… I'm fine. Just need… to catch my breath."

Kaname followed suit with a grunt of her own. "We're going to have to find a place to rest for the night soon. I know you insist that we can't stop for long, but I personally am exhausted because I haven't had enough sleep lately. And I'm not the wounded one here."

"If… if I could tell you… that we'd be fine here, I wouldn't… mind a rest. But… as far as I know, they're still… coming after me."

"Do you know how stubborn you are?" Kaname suddenly growled, sounding frustrated.

His eyes widened slightly in surprise, and then he chanced a slight grin as he closed his eyes and replied, "Just about… as stubborn as a certain girl… I know."

Her cheeks flushed. "And what's that supposed to mean?" When she didn't get an answer, she nearly panicked. "… Sousuke?"

She then looked down and noticed that he was asleep, breathing evenly. A slightly exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she settled herself down, allowing the young man to rest. The gods knew he needed it, after what he'd been through. Staring up into the star-studded navy expanse above them, she hoped fervently that they'd be able to get out of this situation intact.

She hated having so few details on what was going on, though she supposed she should be used to it after hanging out with the mysterious soldier for the past year. From what she could tell, this was the first time he'd truly seemed so troubled about something without mentioning what it was to her. The lack of information stung, as if Sousuke mistrusted her and for that reason had not chosen to disclose anything for her. But after all that they had been through together, she was pretty sure he would never do anything like that. It had to be something else that was bothering him.

Now if she could only get him to talk about what had happened… _then _all would be well. Kaname stared down at the top of the soldier's head of unruly chestnut hair, allowing herself a small smile as she watched him sleep. She would wake him soon, but for now, she knew he sorely needed the respite.

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_**.end chapter 3.**_

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_To anyone who might happen to read this, I aim to improve. Feedback is very much appreciated._  



	4. Desperation :: chapter 4

_Warnings: Please see the first two chapters for full warnings. Rated PG-13 for several reasons.  
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_Disclaimer: Full Metal Panic and all characters and settings are the creative property of Shouji Gatou, Shiki Douji, Retsu Tateo, and are tortu—I mean, used without permission for no profit to this humble little authoress. X3 ADV currently has Season 1 of the anime and the primary manga series licensed in the US._

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**Chapter 4**

A lone figure strolled through the empty park, taking to the shadows as he walked along. He had just received an e-mail on his mobile concerning a mission at this location, and he had seen nothing of his target so far. Of course, it was a rather large park, and there were plenty of benches about, so he wasn't concerned… yet. Besides, he only had orders for reconnaissance; they hadn't required him to kill anyone this time. Then again, they must not know about his relationship with the target if they were sending him on this particular mission.

The moon emerged from its cloud cover, illuminating the grass in a silver sheen as its light bounced off of the dew drops. Crisp air spoke of a chilly night yet to come, which would likely slow his target's movement down to seek shelter for the night. That's what he would have done, at least – he wasn't quite sure why the target would stop in such an open place like a park. If the target was truly as talented as his master had claimed, then he would have done a better job finding a place to hide. However, the Mithril soldier was wounded by all reports – he wouldn't be able to travel far in his condition, and probably was unable to think clearly. In fact, he was surprised that the soldier had gone this far already.

_Unless… Unless he has help._

A smile cracked across his shadowed face as he keyed in a code on his mobile's number pad and pressed the send button. He would remind the soldier that he still existed, and that he hadn't forgotten. This could prove to be an interesting night.

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Kaname sighed as she watched the stars through the gaps between the nightly cloud cover. She had a sickening feeling that Sousuke wasn't doing as well as he let on. The occasional pained grimace would cross his face every so often even in sleep. If she could have, she would have dragged him to a doctor immediately, but he was so insistent that they keep moving that part of her said to listen to him this time. It was insane, but she had to trust him. 

What kind of a threat would make Sousuke so uneasy? She couldn't help but wonder and allow her mind to wander. Terrorists, most definitely, but Sousuke had dealt with terrorists before. Many times before, as a matter of fact. Something else had to have happened on his recent mission, and she wanted to know what it was. Badly. She hated seeing him like this.

Sousuke suddenly was startled awake, jerking to a sitting position and instantly regretting the movement.

"Sousuke!" Kaname exclaimed. "Be careful!"

He grunted, blinking as he seemed to re-orient himself. A blush colored his pale cheeks – he must have realized that he had been sleeping on Kaname's lap – before he cleared his throat. "I—I thought…" he began, but he grimaced and hissed, clutching his side, and then frowned. "We have to keep going."

Kaname frowned as well. Something was wrong. "What?"

Sousuke stood painfully, doubling over slightly with another wince. Kaname didn't like how he was clutching his side, nor did she like the sweat forming on his forehead as he tried to force himself to stay upright. Suddenly, he gasped and pitched forward. She ran forward.

"Sousuke!" she cried, just managing to catch him when he fell. She knelt, holding his shoulders and supporting him on his knees in front of her. He wouldn't look her in the eye. "Sousuke? Are you alright? What's wrong?"

For a moment, he didn't answer as he seemingly tried to catch his breath. His focus was fading in and out, and he still clutched desperately at his side. Something had to be wrong with the wound, she decided. He needed a doctor, and fast.

"Shit," he muttered, finally speaking.

Kaname shot him a surprised look. Sousuke didn't swear often. "What is it?"

"We've got to run, Kaname… _now._"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Wha—"

"I… Just listen to me. Get up."

Kaname stood, and then hefted Sousuke to his feet and dragged his arm across her shoulders, becoming a crutch. Ignoring his startled protests, she forced him to start walking back in the direction of the _TDD-1_, back to where Mithril was.

"What are you _doing_?" Sousuke exclaimed through gritted teeth.

"I'm taking you back to where they can get the transmitter out, _Sagara-kun_," Kaname replied coolly. "And you're coming with me whether you want to or not."

The young soldier was seething. "We can't head back there – I'm already putting _you_, a Whispered, in danger as it is! I can't risk a whole _fleet_!" With that, he jerked out of Kaname's tight grasp and took a few staggering steps back.

She'd _never_ heard him get angry with her before, and in her shock she nearly let him wander off. His eyes met hers briefly before he turned and began walking unsteadily in the other direction. It took her a moment to register what she saw in that steely silver gaze – he really _was _scared, and that he was only trying to protect her. And he was right – she was stubborn, and she wasn't going to let him get away like that, not when he could barely stand. She reached out and caught his shoulder with her hand.

"Kaname—!"

"Where do you think you could go in your condition, hm?" she calmly replied. "You can barely stand, let alone walk to whoever knows where and take on this enemy that not even the _TDD_ could handle _by yourself_. I don't think so."

Sousuke's eyes widened in surprise. "Kaname—"

"I'm coming with you, or you're coming with me – I don't want to lose you!" Brown eyes widened in shock as she realized what she let slip.

The young Mithril soldier's eyes softened as he realized what she meant. "Kaname…" he began, but a bright flash cut him off. He lunged at Kaname, knocking them both to the ground. "GET DOWN!"

Kaname yelped reflexively as a loud explosion ripped through a nearby tree, sending bark splinters hurtling through the air above the pair's heads and creating a suffocating cloud of dust. For a moment, all she could hear was the blood rushing through her ears, and Sousuke panting heavily beside her. Grasping his hand in the haze, she tried to help him move to a sitting position, but paused when she heard footsteps approaching. Once the woody fog settled down, she saw a silhouetted figure mere meters away from where they were sprawled on the sidewalk. Sousuke muttered something that sounded suspiciously like a curse.

"Aw, well isn't this an adorable sight!" the figure's deep voice taunted. "Sagara-kun, I never knew you had it in you to seduce young women into following you."

"You leave her out of this, bastard," Sousuke coughed. "She has nothing to do with me."

"Ah, is that any way to greet your old friend, Sagara? Anyway, now that _you_ brought her along with you, I'm afraid she's guilty by association." The man reached down to grab Kaname, but she wasn't about to let him touch her so easily. She rolled into a standing position, having grabbed Sousuke's Glock on her way up and leveling it at the strange man.

"What do you want with Sousuke?" she demanded angrily.

The man smirked. "So the girl isn't totally helpless. You really do have a knack for picking the ladies, Sagara-kun."

"Kaname, put the gun down," Sousuke warned. "This man… isn't someone you should be messing with."

"Answer me!" she growled, ignoring Sousuke and cocking the pistol expertly.

"I have a bone to pick with your Sagara-kun here. He was foolish enough to think we were on equal footing, and then he split too early. The young master wants him back, but I've got something to settle with him before I can let him leave."

Sousuke grit his teeth as he tried to stand, looking rather displeased. "You son of a bitch, I wasn't trying to compete with you."

"Stupid to try to leave before your wound closed anyway," the man continued, ignoring him as well. "In the end, it only slowed you down… and now I won't make the same mistake of letting run off so easily. Besides, I was the one who put that piece of wiring in you, if you'd remember…" A cruel glint sparkled in the man's eye as he spoke, sending chills down Kaname's spine.

"I've heard about enough of this!" Kaname spat; this man had done something to Sousuke, and she was not about to let him get away with hurting the soldier again. "You! Who are you working for?"

The man raised an eyebrow. "Come to think of it, missy, you do look somewhat familiar. Now when was the last time I saw your picture?" He paused for a moment to scratch his chin, and then he snapped his fingers, eyes shining with recollection. "Ah, yes! I remember now! It was in the same file as our master's…"

"Don't even think about it!" Sousuke hissed.

"Hm, it might be worthwhile to bring the girl back as well. I might have to thank you, Sagara Sousuke. The young master will be most pleased to find out that you have a friend like her." He paused again, and then added, "You know, I'm feeling pretty generous tonight, especially since you've brought her along. Let's make a deal – I can let you come back with me either the easy way, or the hard way. I'll leave it up to you."

Sousuke growled, pushing himself the rest of the way to his feet. "Retsuo, you _asshole_, I told you to stay out of my business."

"Huh, last time I checked, I still outrank you," Retsuo sneered. "Come on, now. Don't be such a spoil-sport. You seemed to forget that I still have something in my possession that you won't necessarily like. Shall I remind you?"

Sousuke's eyes widened, but before he could move, he suddenly cried out and clutched at his side, falling to his knees. Retsuo smirked, taking a few steps closer to the writhing soldier, but then stopped when he saw Kaname run into the path between them, gun barrel still trained on him.

"What are you doing to him?" she demanded, casting a worried glance back at Sousuke.

"It's just a little reminder of his position," Retsuo drawled. "Don't worry; it's nothing permanent, I assure you."

Sousuke yelped again. Kaname flinched. "Stop it," she hissed.

"Oh? And what will you do if I don't?"

The Mithril soldier curled in around himself, unsuccessfully trying to suppress a whimper. "Please, _just stop_," she cried. "You're hurting him!"

"I'm _hurting _him?" Retsuo sputtered. "Hah! You have no idea what this young man is capable of – do you, miss? If you knew what he could do – what he has done – with my master's help, you wouldn't be so protective of him now. In fact, you would probably beg me to—"

"_I said stop it!_"

A loud report echoed through the park, and the man fell over, a crimson shower from his forehead splattering on the sidewalk. Kaname couldn't help it, she gasped. Sousuke was breathing heavily behind her, trying desperately to gather air that he'd lost. She could feel his gaze boring into the back of her head, but she couldn't look at him. Not with a smoking pistol in her hands, and a bloody corpse at her feet. Her breath caught in her throat.

_Wh-What have I done?_

"K-Kaname…"

"Oh my God, I—I …" she whispered.

With a pained grunt, Sousuke shakily forced himself to stand. She felt his approach, but she couldn't move. Couldn't face him. "Kaname…"

"I _killed_ him…" Her small voice was barely audible. He placed a hand on her trembling shoulder and calmly lowered her arms with the other. It took all her willpower not to flinch at his touch. _Oh God, oh God, oh my God!_

"Here, why don't you sit down for a minute…"

She finally whirled to face him, her heart racing and her breathing catching painfully in her throat. She locked gazes with him, searching for a visual anchor other than the bloody mess sprawled a few feet away, by her hands. _Oh God! _She let him guide her over to the park bench – around the corpse, and away from it – and pushed her to a sitting position on the bench's surface. She couldn't bear to look at the dead body any more and buried her face in his shoulder. Her stomach roiled; she wanted to throw up, to scream, to… _take it back._ _Oh God, I've…_

"Oh my God, Sousuke, _I_ killed him…"

He stiffened beside her, and then put a shaking arm around her shoulders, letting her sob into his chest. She knew now that she was in far too deep; she should have listened to Sousuke, and this never would have happened. _Murderer._

_Oh my God…_

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_**.end chapter 4.**_

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_Sorry this took me so long to tackle. It had some major POV issues that I ended up trying to resolve (not quite the way I wanted to, but I needed more consistency…), and some other random plot stuff that I made some decisions on. So it's been changed a little more than I'd originally planned. :P And it hasn't been beta read. Ugh. I am of the opinion that this still isn't good at all, but meh, at least it's DONE.  
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_Thank you to everyone who has continued to give this story support. As always, comments, feedback, etc. are highly appreciated._


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